take my pain away

Monday, March 19, 2007

blah blah black shyt have u any food
haiz... hate it when i have to go back to school... the only good thing is tat i getting a laptop ^^ hehe ... things will be different soon ... so ... oso a different me will face it... so dun be surprised .... haiz... who cares anyway ... am i not rite to say tat... haha tell me then ... if u care abt me in anything abt me... reaffirm me ... tell me tat ... something u noe i will need to hear... but it may no longer change tat fact tat will come ... haha ... everything will become meaningless ... it is my choice after all ... soon... it will be strictly business ... unless u can prove me wrong ... show it to me ... thaw the icy heart i am going to create for myself ... who can do tat ... i no longer have one tat can thaw it already... faith ... u understand wat i mean ... when i gave up on u ... i gave up all those emotions tat i no longer need ... or at least not yet... i will have the time i need ... it is just a matter of time b4 u see the results ...results tat may be horrifying to some ... blessing to others ... which side u are... i do not noe... i do not care after tat... dorcas ... remember wat i said to u ... faith ... thank you for the joy u gave me ... and rest more u look tired to me all the time ... joseph ... there are times u need to grow up... stop slacking ... u need to get to poly faster to catch up ... jolynn ... the time we had was great ... but we may no longer have times like those anymore ... winter ... u are like a lamb to me... seeking to find a patch of grass tat belong to u in the crowded pasture ...learn to not give up ... and u will fit in n gain tat patch of grass tat u seek ... larissa ... sigh... u ... never cease to make me worry abt u... break up... looking for new boyfriends ... new crushes ... heartbreak ... i wonder when u will grow up... i hoped ... hoped... for the best for u all this while... u just keep me worried all the time... i wonder ... when ... will u grow out of this ... i can only wonder... for sooner or later ... u are going to lose a lot more than u will gain if u continue... it so seems ... i am going to leave all of them behind ... to my past ... and go on ... wif me no longer wanting to noe abt my past ... a mental barrier... running away from my responsibility ... for those tat are reading until here ... pass the message ... to those ppl i mentioned n tell them to read it...for i will be too far gone by then ... when it starts ... for i cannot return ...

11:41 PM

this pain is killing me.



Sunday, March 18, 2007

haiz...working ... leg so tired... standing all day... make little sales u can say... diy department... tat is just so me ... haha ... well... it is short term anyway... super short... haha 1 month nia... haha

12:02 AM

this pain is killing me.



Sunday, March 11, 2007

hmm... jolynn surprises me everyday ... and almost everytime... wonder why i say tat ... haha ... u noe rite... jolynn... though i do not know if u r reading this...it is so obvious but cannot yet handle the truth ... haiz... Oh well ... it does not really matter anyway ... i am guessing those tat r reading this is getting the wrong idea... haha ...

9:55 PM

this pain is killing me.



Friday, March 9, 2007

damn... feel so much like shyt... try ... just try... to cry ... cry your heart out... really... when all the tear u can find is in your heart ... not able to come out... the pain is wat that hurts... sigh...

11:59 PM

this pain is killing me.



Wednesday, March 7, 2007

bleah ... am i doing the right thing ... i should not have interfered ... i feel as if i am in deep shyt ... crap lah... i think i am doing the wrong thing ... to just help ... god ... stop putting me in this kind of situation... making me make decisions when all i do will make it worse ... hate u god ... bleah ...

7:37 PM

this pain is killing me.



Tuesday, March 6, 2007

i just got a job ... (yay)? starting to work at 14mar ... 11 to 10 ... gonna be very busy after tat ... i wonder when do i work ... when do i stop ... when is my break ... haha ... it is soooooooo... crappy now tat i got a job... no more slacking days... haha ... no more cell n church most likely... but will try... miracle if i can last long enuf without saying so sain ... haha ... it is just so unexpected ... well i am off to bed now... i have done too much walking in 2 days le ... my legs need more rest ... haha ...

12:19 AM

this pain is killing me.



Saturday, March 3, 2007

just like this so much tat i feel i must upload this :)


10:54 PM

this pain is killing me.



bleah... i love and care for everyone around me ... u can see it too don't u ... those tat will read it till the end i noe u can see tat ... i wanna laugh n cry ... at how weak i am ... i am close to forgetting ... my reason for doing so ... "love the world the way u want others to love you" by dunno who ... i keep saying to myself .. it is good it is good ... it is good to help ... it is good to share ... but ... ppl ... ppl take it for granted ... haiz ... it is my fault to keep giving ... but ... i can no longer stop myself ... for all i want to see is to see ppl smile ... love, smile n care ... the reward will come in time ... all in due time ... all in god's grace ... but is it worth it ... worth the suffering i am going thru now... haiz ... it is pitiful i say the world ... i pity the ppl ... pity everyone who horks hard ... for the purpose of making money... reminiscence of the past tat is long gone ... the past where tat which had joy in life ... now ... i see .. all i see ... is suffering ... ppl out race each other ... to out do each other ... to just be famous ... to be just richer ... where to poor becomes the stepping stones of the rich ... where the poors stay poor ... n the rich gets richer ...i want more money ... i need more money... tat is wat everyone wants ... i do too ... want the same ... each person's purpose for having money is different ... my purpose ... is ...to make the most money ... but keep the least ... have all the countries' citizenship ... to belong no where ... to ... a sombody tat is a nobody... for the purpose to help the poor... and let the poor rise up and be in same social status as the rich... the rich ... sees only wat they believe... it is proven ... http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology/070228_moral_outrage.html ... i can only say... damn to the rich ... unless u noe how to help the poor... haiz...

3:26 PM

this pain is killing me.