erratic behavior. signs of mental regression. i need my anchors... or i may really lose myself. i have already lost much of myself these few day. ever since that jolt of pain that made me feel so giddy and feel as if i am hemorrhaging i my head. memories are tricking away... i am now rotting away in very much sense. studies does not matter anymore. nothing really matters now. given that i cannot remember what i am doing, so detached and no longer there just like a puppet .i am losing my will to live... i am losing my reason to live... i am losing my everything. i need my assurance ... i am already losing my empathy . my ability to care for others. i need my company to tell me i am here... for given the current me, i dun feel anything already. i am supposed to smile now, i am supposed to laugh now. i have to tell myself to do those things now. because i cannot feel them anymore.i dun feel a thing already. and as for y i want so many gfs... because they wont last... my mind is too far gone to even make conversations last already. everyone starts to call me weird... different from last time. but i cant help to change it. i lack the will to do that already. i already lost the will to live... how can i have the will still to change myself.... people cannot comprehend what i do. i cannot blame them. dun worry ... i will start to server ties. just who should i start with?
this pain is killing me.
it is just so lonely... madness and loneliness. the loneliness i created and the madness i fabricated... faith called it identity crisis ... i cannot help but agree ... although i want to deny that given my pride...dorcas...you SOOOOOOOO want to help ... but you just do not know what to do... but to me, you actions does not matter to be already... you started it and so is will end with me. XQ thanks for worrying...i am just sick of being lonely... because i cannot commit... because if what kind of guy i chose to make myself be ... i make everyone cannot stand me ... love me and hate me ... folks it is your choice to tell me... i am more that willing to hear your words. for they will mean something. but i am just not sure how much. because i do not really care now... try changing me and my thinking... and just to entertain myself so that very little ppl will do that, i will only listen to those who wil want to be my gf... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
this pain is killing me.
i was out for 14 hours in the end sia... reach home at 5+ and immediately sleep le... yawns ... still sleepy... lol... dmw sia..(dead man walking)
this pain is killing me.
living this nonsense of life really suck. hey folks. i am gonna commit suicide this year i think. haha. that is y i say it does not matter anymore.the last party. it does not matter. i will put most of the things in place b4 i go...
this pain is killing me.
wack arh... wacking is so fun... haha... just now wack jy head... sure brightens up my mood haha... nothing much to say... teaching tuition now ... haha... yes ... teaching now... student suck anyway...gonna stop after this month le... tell the grand ma le... haha... and she agrees to it too.................... XDDDDDD.... can go home early now ....
this pain is killing me.
full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop full stop
this pain is killing me.
this pain is killing me.
this pain is killing me.
i will try i will try i will really really try... i will try my best ... to achieve it before my end ... for my little hope and salvation before i turn insane ... love begets hate hate begets even more hate... and all i do and have done ... is create more hate... the wrong that i create... i am sinning again... the wrong kind of sins... sins in the mind... it is a little lucky.... that person is not reading this... she is too busy working ... they are too busy with their stuff ... they will not know it... i hide it very well... those close to me.... they do not know of here... they do not know what i am going through ... to those reading this... it is getting sinister rite? i hope this is temporary... i do not like this feeling either....
this pain is killing me.
damn...
this pain is killing me.