tick tock. how many more days. i am not sure now. i need a good rest. a long long rest.
this pain is killing me.
i cant live without fear anymore. it is hand. really hard. having to lose all my friends. one by one. group by group. i keep losing them. to stop myself from losing my sanity. or am i using that as a excuse to destroy people? i can't tell. or at least i do not want to know. because i already know the answers to everything that i will do. h am causing much problems to people but my mind cant work well anymore. suicide seems fine. killing seems fine. slaughter seems fine. destroying people's way of life seems fine. i cant take it. my headache. of this all. i cant take it. i rather kill than live in pain. although this pain is what that keeps me alive. i made so many wrong choice. but those that knows and understand lets it be. i cant take it. i just cant. it really hurts. i am the fear i fear. it is my madness. my own uncertainty. my uncertainty is my madness. i cant take it. if i am gone . if i die i do not mind . because i made that choice. i already know the consequence. if you people think i have not thought hard enough, then in a way you are wrong. because o made enough choice to say this is the fastest and simplest. although this is the most painful. i did it with guilt i cannot say. it just hurts a lot. i hate sins. it shows the demon inside of people. i see these demons. the size tells of their amount of sin in them. i cant see mine. but i know how big it is for me. my evil is not one but many. i see a rat, a fox, a wolf, a fist and so many in my mind. my inner demons. those shapes. cant explain it. i am tired of it. tired of faking. tired of being me. i do not really care anymore. making that decision seems fine to me. though it will hurt you more than it hurt me. i wonder who will come on that day. make me a list and send me one copy. i want to see how many i have touched. this list is strictly for those who know me and have talked to me before and not anyone who was just told to do that*note to vibrant people especially* i do not want to see a i have not met you or talked to you b4 that kinda crap again. i do not really care if you do. but that list, must not contain any that i do not know. i just wanna know how many .for there is so much that i can do but i did not do and chose not to do. i took too long for so many things. it is just too late. i am not suicidal. just plainly lost hope on all life while faking everything.
this pain is killing me.
| You Are a Pessimist |
 And when things do happen to be bad, life is like a dark pit you can't crawl out of. One bad moment can ruin your day, and you think one bad week can ruin your life. Things are much better than they seem. Just take time to see everything that's going right. |
| What Your Name Says About You |
 Unconventional but unstable Your name also says you are: Brilliant but obsessive Talented but unmotivated Glamorous but snobby |
| Your Famous Last Words Will Be: |
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